I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
