He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
