R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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