I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
