mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
