I think i peed on brittanys purse
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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