New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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