I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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