I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
