hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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