Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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