i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
