Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
