Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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