does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
