Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
