respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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