3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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