Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I believe in your delicious
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
