I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
