I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
50% drunk capacity currently
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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