I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
