The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
