Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
