There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Randomize