you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
