guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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