I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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