we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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