i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
organizing the empties. That sober.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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