So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I am midnight drunk by noon
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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