i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
