Your tits are I can't wait for
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
My hand turned me down
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
