were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
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