I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
