I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
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It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
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He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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