Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
