I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
