Just fell off a train. Bad.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
