problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
