I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
