Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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