I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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