I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
