i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
