If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
