from now on my penis is your penis
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
