I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Everything about him screamed your future.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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