I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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