I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
