We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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