Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
So. Much. Porn.
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