Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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