i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
