I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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