You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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