This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
