Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
