It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
