i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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