This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
