We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
