Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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