I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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