Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
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somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pole danced in your parka.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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