you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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