i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
