So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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