I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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