There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
