Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
