Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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