you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.