The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Randomize
