i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
