Texts From Last Night

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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...

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  (402): So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant... http://tfl.nu/xr5a
  Replies (12) Good night (1617) Bad night (817)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.

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  (302): She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god. http://tfl.nu/566r
  Replies (25) Good night (4985) Bad night (518)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  In America we eat man semen.

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  (210): In America we eat man semen. http://tfl.nu/5eyy
  Replies (33) Good night (3207) Bad night (1179)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.

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  (410): I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night. http://tfl.nu/vy3a
  Replies (31) Good night (7139) Bad night (826)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  That was long passed due.

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  (414): I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol" (262): That was long passed due. http://tfl.nu/6bqu
  Replies (36) Good night (5085) Bad night (974)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.

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  (917): It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met. http://tfl.nu/1axf
  Replies (21) Good night (4597) Bad night (1174)
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  (585): View more from New York

  Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history

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  (585): Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history http://tfl.nu/gm9f
  Replies (17) Good night (4211) Bad night (656)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.

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  (617): He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him. http://tfl.nu/v8g0
  Replies (14) Good night (5729) Bad night (816)
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  "Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move

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  (601): "Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move http://tfl.nu/qn14
  Replies (10) Good night (1078) Bad night (3263)
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.

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  (810): people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart. http://tfl.nu/4ahf
  Replies (14) Good night (3538) Bad night (781)
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  (972): View more from Texas

  Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.

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  (972): Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention. http://tfl.nu/nbnk
  Replies (21) Good night (711) Bad night (2620)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.

  (1-715): View more from Wisconsin

  PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.

  (1-715): View more from Wisconsin

  I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.

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  (715): I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT. (1-715): PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING. (1-715): I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little. http://tfl.nu/04tj
  Replies (15) Good night (2027) Bad night (534)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.

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  (781): My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning. http://tfl.nu/4mpl
  Replies (1) Good night (1110) Bad night (410)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small

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  (425): My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small http://tfl.nu/0a34
  Replies (5) Good night (738) Bad night (224)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.

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  (206): You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose. http://tfl.nu/ks8l
  Replies (1) Good night (643) Bad night (401)

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