Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
