This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway