Texts From Last Night

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  (313): View more from Michigan

  hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work

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  (313) hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work http://tfl.nu/bjlm
  Replies (4) Good night (1879) Bad night (1652)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.

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  (917): I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom. http://tfl.nu/7aa5
  Replies (65) Good night (6468) Bad night (585)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again

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  (519): oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again http://tfl.nu/6u76
  Replies (22) Good night (7196) Bad night (865)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.

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  (303): If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed. http://tfl.nu/n5xo
  Replies (9) Good night (3336) Bad night (813)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."

  (1-401): View more from Rhode Island

  Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.

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  (401): So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch" (401): So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim." (1-401): Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor. http://tfl.nu/7e2l
  Replies (26) Good night (2958) Bad night (1056)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.

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  (203): he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs. http://tfl.nu/0b7z
  Replies (18) Good night (5418) Bad night (1306)
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  (516): View more from New York

  i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.

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  (516): i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang. http://tfl.nu/ryqf
  Replies (8) Good night (3396) Bad night (1061)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.

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  (+61): Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme. http://tfl.nu/6yp3
  Replies (14) Good night (2775) Bad night (1261)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.

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  (+44): i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating. http://tfl.nu/8l9m
  Replies (11) Good night (2491) Bad night (844)
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  (949): View more from California

  I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem

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  (949): I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem http://tfl.nu/xr6o
  Replies (4) Good night (1088) Bad night (651)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know

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  (+44): Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know http://tfl.nu/1326
  Replies (5) Good night (1500) Bad night (539)
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  (718): View more from New York

  She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet

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  (718): She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet http://tfl.nu/l8w6
  Replies (10) Good night (1233) Bad night (964)
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  (650): View more from California

  Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.

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  (650): Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what. http://tfl.nu/elzg
  Replies (4) Good night (998) Bad night (323)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend

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  (301): I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend http://tfl.nu/ci1n
  Replies (3) Good night (673) Bad night (307)
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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was

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  (778): I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was http://tfl.nu/phyl
  Replies (3) Good night (467) Bad night (342)

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