Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
