dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.