How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
